There are certain things that leave you feeling baffled and amused – long after they have happened.
Apparently, some women (and men) think that referring to a woman as a feminist, is a slur. As opposed to a statement of fact, in some cases. A few months ago, I made a comment on a Facebook post, as it related to domestic violence. Just in case you were wondering – I abhor domestic violence. Regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or the victim. It is one of the most disrespectful things you can do to a person – especially someone, with whom you have been intimate. There is absolutely NO excuse, justification, reason, whatever for domestic violence.
Anyway, this woman picked on my comment and attacked me. There were other people on the post (including a man who saw his mother die at the hands of an abusive father, as well as a leading anti-domestic violence campaigner), who said domestic violence is inexcusable; get out immediately. But she didn’t say a word to them. She came for me – because I am younger.
Let me explain that a bit.
Among average Nigerians, you’re expected to be quiet, even when someone who is older than you, is talking absolute trash. If you’re younger, you’re deemed to be more foolish than someone who is even a day older than you are. Yep, that’s one of the reasons Nigeria is where and how she is …
So, back to what I was saying – she starts talking about how feminists like me are jealous, angry and bitter; how she endured 13 years of a very abusive marriage; that her Bible says marriage is for better, for worse; it is disrespectful for a third party to tell any woman to leave her home; children are growing up in broken homes and causing problems for society; there is nothing prayer cannot do; people change – you get the picture. The usual nonsense people like that, vom without thinking.
So, I replied with the following:
Are the slaps and beatings you say you received, things that any woman would be jealous of?
The low self-esteem and broken bones, are they things that anyone who has not received them, would be angry about?
I am a feminist; it is not an insult, it is a statement of fact. Get over it.
Feminism is the reason you’re able to read anything, including the Bible you are reading upside down.
‘For better, for worse’ is not in any Bible, unless you put it there. That phrase is one that was birthed by someone who wanted to keep people in bondage. It continues to be used by people who want to make others, miserable. If someone is a good spouse, unless they are married to a crazy person, they wouldn’t have to use “for better, for worse” to compel the spouse to stay. People only use that, when they are playing the fool and want to be enabled to continue.
It’s not disrespectful for the abuser you married, to put his hands on you, but someone who tells you that you don’t have to take that, is disrespectful?
You chose to be in a ‘very abusive marriage’ (whatever that means), for 13 years – would you like a medal for that?
You believe that children should continue to be exposed to the dysfunction in the hell-hole you call a ‘home’, because it must not be broken?
You think because it has a door and windows, it’s a home? Prisons have those, too.
Why did you leave? Did your prayers or your god fail?
I am still waiting for her reply …
Copyright ©Chioma Nnani