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A Child’s Letter To His Warring Parents (II)

Dear Mum,

I hear you say that grandad beat grandma up, so dad must have picked up his abusive behaviour from him. What you are telling me is that I’ll be like dad. You are saying that abuse is intergenerational, meaning I may doomed to abuse my future partner, and pass my pain to my children. Do you realise that Rebecca is more likely to attract abusive men, and like you, she will accept it? In defending my sister against abuse, I may end up in jail. I wonder why you haven’t left, mum. Once, I heard you tell your friends that “luckily the children didn’t witness the fight”. I wasn’t in the room but I heard it all!

scared child

I experienced the same fear I felt when I saw dad punch you in the kitchen. Rebecca cries every time you row. She hears you too. Why do you think I have nightmares? I’m angry and I’m scared. Rob in school said that dad will kill you if you don’t leave. Please mum, save Rebecca and I. We don’t want you dead. We’ll be lost without you. Tell your family and friends to stop asking you questions why dad abuses you. Tell them that there is no excuse for abuse. No one has the right to abuse anyone. You are doing more damage to us than good. Tell them you are not staying for our sake.

Love

Toby

NB: Domestic abuse has cradle to grave effects on children. Bringing them up in abusive environment has lifelong adverse impacts on them. Please don’t suffer in silence. Seek help if you’re being abused at home.

Nola Solomon is a Specialist Public Health Nurse, with a background in Paediatrics. She blogs at www.anethnicnurse.com where this was first published, and lives in Manchester (UK) with her five beautiful children.

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