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Between Mortals and Demons

Sometimes, we are not content to blame others for events and situations that we should take personal responsibility for. We have to include a supernatural angle, to complete the victimhood narrative.

I cannot count how many times I have read a person say, “god told me to marry so-and-so. But they’ve turned into an absolute beast; what should I do?” Let’s not focus, for a minute, on the mental health issues that one would need to be enmeshed in to ascribe deity status to their own thoughts – but if you think god ordered you to marry someone, why are you seeking the intervention of mere mortals when your divine revelation goes awry?

The speed, regularity and willingness with which people fall for any tripe with a supernatural undertone, is truly amazing. Some of these people are supposedly educated. Nigerians want to pray before a secular boardroom meeting, insist on reading their bibles and attending church services on their employers’ time, and harass people who are completely averse to their religion into joining them. Yet, for all the show of religion – and that’s what it is, a mere show – the level of morality is very low.

In fact, it appears that the deeper a person’s descent into organised religion, the greater their inability to cope with real life and the higher their likelihood of being a completely sh*tty excuse for a human being.

I find it laughable when someone tells me that a marriage can only be blessed if both parties are ‘believers’ … yet 99% of the women who can’t go home after church, because they’re afraid, are married to prayer warriors.
Or that a person talks so much about expecting divine blessings and living in a ‘kingdom economy’ when they’re praying for their ‘unbelieving boss’ to die; I kid you not, some Nigerians are actually sick enough to do this.
What about the ones whose hatred of a person and envy of their lifestyle is so great, that they openly covet?

I remember with a great amount of amusement, a very petty and bitter, older woman – the kind that is a cautionary tale for what happens when a person enmeshes themselves so deeply in religion – who told me, “Congratulations on getting your own radio show! I truly hate hearing good news about you.” I didn’t know that from the previous December, she had been praying that her god would rob me of the good things I had. So, it was quite a shock to her to realise that not only was I not getting robbed or depleted, I was also getting beautiful additions in my life. So, I did the one thing that anyone in my situation would do – I took to giving her fortnightly progress reports, including of people I didn’t even know that well. According to her, she doesn’t like hearing good news about others, either. Yet, this woman shakes and cries, while praying. You know the type that always have a prophecy about someone else, but have their prophecies can’t reveal the blackness of their own hearts to them; it’s actually hilarious yet so pitiable.

The next time someone talks about a ‘heaven’, feel free to ask them, “How about you try out living here on earth with mere mortals, first?”

All Rights Reserved, Chioma Nnani

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