If you’ve been reading my work, you probably know how averse I am to organised religion – in any format. I find it ridiculously repressive … and it’s probably the one thing you can count on, to remove your brain without the procedure of actual brain surgery. Not that I think brains are removed during brain surgery …
I cannot get over how (supposedly educated and sensible) people submit to abuse – abuse of self, dignity, intellect and everything else – because religion is involved. Indoctrination makes it so easy; I know, I’ve been there, got the T-shirt, yada yada yada.
For ages, there’s been this thing about how a woman can’t indicate her interest in a dude – which is very different from stalking him; that’s a mental health issue, dahhhling – because she’s a ‘decent woman’. Or how she has to fake non-interest, till he gets frustrated enough and moves on to someone else, who is then tagged ‘a man snatcher’ for reasons she doesn’t even know. OK, first of all, the only individual you can snatch is a CHILD. Unless you kidnap a man – which is a felony, or an outright crime depending on where you live – you cannot snatch a man. Or a woman. They leave, because … well, they were not kidnapped, that’s the point.
Anyway, back to the issue – how can you complain when a man leaves you alone, because you said he should leave you alone? You never gave him hope, you laughed at him with your girlfriends (emphasis on girl, not woman), told him to get lost – how is he, your man? You are just being a ridiculous child. You think everyone has time to wait around on a spoiled, lying, little girl who doesn’t know what she wants?
It’s one thing to do that, because you admit that you’re following the dictates of a ‘culture’ that is conspiring to ‘miser-ify’ your entire life; it’s another ball game when you’re doing it because of religion. From what I’ve gathered, it’s supposed to make the man see you as ‘more virtuous’ if you continually lie about your attraction to him. Hey, aren’t liars supposed to go to hell? But it’s OK, cos it’s you doing it, right?
The only two women who have books of a certain Bible named after them, made the first move. I say ‘a certain Bible’ because I know there are loads; but this certain kind appears to be the most accepted one, within some circles – at least, at the time of writing this article, it was the most accepted one. Ruth and Esther are the only two women who have books in that Bible!
Ruth, a Moabitess widow, disqualified on many counts, ended up with Boaz. Boaz would never have spoken to her, if she hadn’t made the move – he had noticed her, but was too honourable to do anything about it; he told her that there was someone else ‘with more rights’. Patriarchy, rights to ‘inherit’ a woman still prevail till today. But the point is – Ruth would have grown white whiskers everywhere, because the other dude had no intentions in her direction.
Esther – slave-girl-turned-queen – decided to approach her husband on behalf of her people. Seriously, who marries a person without knowing where they’re from? Anyway, she makes her move and someone and his family end up on a royal hit-list.
Some say, “The guy won’t respect you”. Yeah, keep telling yourself, that.
Esther was the queen of the most powerful nation in the world of that day. Do you have any idea what it takes for a man to be so insane at the thought of someone hurting you … and your people, who he’s never taken the time to get to know? He had a harem full of women, yet he remembered her name. Some people who are two-timing and three-timing have difficulty keeping names and faces, straight. Do you know what it takes for a dude to offer you, half his belongings – especially if he’s the kind of guy whose assets make a lawyer wonder why you weren’t forced (sorry, persuaded) to sign a pre-nup? Within the context of the time, women were no more than chattel. The king offering Esther half his kingdom, was significant. It didn’t just elevate her from ‘property’ to ‘person’; it took her to ‘equal of the king’. You don’t do that for/to someone you don’t respect. I mean, real life (and television series) are rife with examples of family members and business partners trying to kill each other, over 1% stock/shares – because one has more than the other. 50-50 means equality.
Boaz didn’t take advantage of Ruth, financially or sexually – although he could have. He was rich enough to get away with it, too. It takes respect.
Women who made the first move, in a time and culture that was very repressive towards women, ended up with good men – because they made the first move.
So when next you want to give an excuse about how a guy won’t respect you, consider whether it’s because the guy is just a waste of space, anyway.
And if you’re a guy, thinking, “I can never respect a chic who says she likes me” – it’s an indication that you have serious self-esteem issues and other character flaws; nobody in their right mind, should be with you.
Copyright © Chioma Nnani