A while ago, a young woman sent me a message – she was bothered by certain perceptions/issues/prejudices/dogma, as they had to do with (the “right way to wear/style/do her) hair. I told her I’d answer the question, publicly.
So, here goes:
There are different shades of black.
The fact that you’re OK with wearing just a wrapper, doesn’t make you better or ‘more African’ than the chic who knows how hott she looks in a pair of jeans and a cropped top.
The fact that you bear a native name does not make you any prouder or more knowledgeable of your heritage than the person who bears an English name.
There are as many self-hating females who don’t use make-up and hair extensions, as there are fulfilled women who won’t leave the house without make-up.
Guys, with your eyes wide open, you will see a babe/chic/woman/lady/female, who uses make-up and hair extensions. If that is not what you like, walk on by. Don’t go and chase/toast/bother her, only for her to start taking you seriously and you say, “I prefer you natural”.
I would prefer to wake up in my penthouse in New York, tomorrow morning; but I’m not even about to get a frigging camel!
Guys (still on your case), there are certain things you should not pretend to be ignorant about, especially when you have sisters:
1. That chic in the shower in the music video, who is perfectly OK with having water soaking her waist-length hair; is not real.
2. Chidimma is fine, but when you lust after Tiwa Savage as she flings her hair about; why are you pretending you don’t know hair that is not real?
3. Your wife is not Indian or Chinese. You have absolutely no right, reason or standing to act like she didn’t have any help to produce the buttocks-length, full hair of head that you love running your fingers through. That’s why one day, it is short and 24hrs later, it is long. If you’re not married to a water-spirit, you should know that real hair doesn’t grow that fast.
4. When in doubt, kindly remember where you paid bride price. If you’ve not married her yet, remember where she told you she’s from. If India, China, Brazil, Peruvia or Mexico did not feature in those conversations (except maybe as future holiday spots); feel free to assume that your Nigerian girlfriend is Nigerian. Therefore when it comes to hair, some things are possible but not the norm.
5. There is a difference between not liking a weave and the effect it has on her; and not liking the price she tells you the weave is.
There are already lots of things that divide women & make some’s lives, a living hell.
The career mum thinks the stay-at-home mum is lazy.
The stay-at-home one thinks the mum who works outside the home, doesn’t love her kids that much.
The one who had 15hours of labour (against medical advice) thinks the doctor is an agent of Satan & that the woman who underwent CS is weak in body and faith.
The one who doesn’t have O-levels thinks the one with a PhD is proud.
The one with the PhD doesn’t understand why she’s sharing the same breathing space as the one who flunked out of college, especially if she’s just going to sit there and judge women who took the time to finish school.
The mother who has boys and a girl, thinks that nobody else understands motherhood.
The mother who has only boys, thinks she’s the only champion that her village has ever seen.
And on and on and on.
Hair should not be causing another non-issue. If you want to keep your natural, do as you please.If you are not the psychiatrist of the lady who had chosen to perm and fix her hair, you have absolutely no right to say ‘she hates herself’.
And if your sister wants to keep her hair natural, you with permed/treated/fixed hair, leave her alone. Don’t hand her relaxer when she asks for hair cream & claim it was an accident. That is evil.
There are different shades of black – including blackness of heart …
If you’re not my hairdresser, stylist, trichologist (or my man), get your hands out of my hair.
All Rights Reserved, Chioma Nnani