There comes a time when you move from ‘victim’ to ‘collaborator’ in your own abuse.
And on many occasions, it is fostered by a false sense of loyalty and martyr complex.
There are those who will try to shame you into silence by calling you ‘bitter’.
Then, there are the ones who tell you to ‘leave it for god’. SMH.
I remember many times when I have been told to just let something go, because of how it would look for the other person. Never mind the fact that the other person did something despicable (or even criminal) and did not care how it would look for them, when the news came out.
And I’m not the only one who’s seen this.
The pastor’s wife who couldn’t handle another woman’s talent, so actually got a bunch of women together, to pray against the woman she was envious of.
The young woman who was compelled to pretend everything was OK – for the sake of family honour – after being physically and emotionally abused by her brother.
The teenage girl who was forced to apologise to the wife of the pastor, after the pastor raped her.
The teacher who was forced to resign, because they wouldn’t back up the principal’s lies.
The person who was told to ‘think of the family’ and not report a rape.
On a daily basis, people are shamed into silence, not out of concern for them but out of a warped sense of loyalty to a perpetrator. I have seen and heard disgusting things – even about a mother who believed her child was raped in church because her child was demon-possessed.
There are people who do not deserve your loyalty; regardless of how you define loyalty, anyone who asks you to compromise physical, sexual, financial, emotional and psychological well-being to protect a group, is your enemy. I have ended pseudo-friendships and cut so-called family members off, based on that; it’s that serious.
While you’re pretending that nothing happened, who’s taking care of you? Because you are on your own and the team/group is theirs – they’re not with you. FTR, being a martyr is only cool, in a work of fiction.
In real life, there are times when you move from ‘victim’ to ‘collaborator’ in your own abuse.
And you are the one who gets to suffer for it.
All Rights Reserved, Chioma Nnani
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