The desire to be seen as “with a man” has a way of removing the brains of a fair number of Nigerian women.
As does the need to “keep” the said man. Like he’s a Gucci purse, or Balenciaga pair of shoes – without a mind of his own. It’s … weird.
So much so that a lot of individuals see nothing wrong with openly admitting things, that would make many psychologists take up new dissertations. Or diving for cover.
So, the other day, I came across a Facebook post – that had me and many sane people I know, reeling.
said claimed that when she was pregnant and nauseous, she was so weak that she couldn’t leave her bed. So, her husband offered his mouth as a vom-bucket of sorts, instead. She went on to say that whenever she remembers that … incident, it makes her feel oh-so-loved by her husband.
Another one claims she mixes the blood from her menstrual cycle, into her husband’s meals when she cooks. According to her, it is to secure the love of the man. Apparently, this is something she has seen her aunt do – and the said aunt has been married for 12 years without a child, but her husband hasn’t taken another wife or impregnated someone else. The ideology and issues surrounding “no child/impregnate someone else/marry another wife” will be dealt with in a different blog post.
But for now … I find it sickening.
Sickening that a supposedly sane person thinks they are loved, only when they demean and denigrate the person they claim to love. It’s slightly like a damaged woman, who only thinks a man loves her – if he lets her physically and verbally abuse him. In public. Not that doing it in private, lends credence or is an excuse – but some things are just odd. Some women are so damaged, that they cannot do normalcy. No, not everyone appreciates flowers, white chocolates, etc. But the idea that you need to demean a man, in order for him to prove his love is all shades of SICK. As is the mindset that you need to mix unhealthy substances into his meal.
Apart from the fact that such behaviour actually proves that you never had much of a relationship/marriage in the first place, it shows that you have too much time on your hands. So much time that you need to think up ways to control a man, to have or keep him with you – including moving into the quite frankly, diabolical. Reeks of low self-esteem.
When folk are called up on this, they scream that any woman who doesn’t agree with it, is jealous.
Jealous that you are so insane, that you feel the need to put the life of the man you claim to love, at risk?
Jealous that you have no confidence in yourself or your relationship/marriage, that you need to put the man in a ‘puppet state’, in order for him to stay with you? That you would rather risk widowhood, than have him CHOOSE to be with you?
Jealous that despite your so-called education, you would subscribe to such a dirty-minded practice, that even some illiterates would not dare?
Yeah … totally envious.
The fact that some of the females engaged in or defending this kinda crap, scream “Feminism” is sad.
Or they try to impose on the world, the … gospel of “I am such a submissive wife.”
I’m not sure which is worse …
Love is NOT control.
Control is NOT love.
They are mutually exclusive. Love gives you a choice. It doesn’t put you in harm’s way, under the guise of “I didn’t want to lose you.”
All Rights Reserved, Chioma Nnani