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You’re Not A Victim; You’re An Accomplice!

Some years ago, Monalisa Chinda ran from an abusive marriage.
Many people slated her; they insisted that she should have stayed.

According to them:
– that’s what a “true African woman” does.
– she should have prayed harder.
– he should have been patient.
– for the sake of her daughter.
Yada yada yada.

Just last week, some people blasted Tiwa Savage.
They said she should have continued to cover and enable the sh*t of the bozo she married. She should have considered her son.

Yesterday (6th May 2016), another woman was killed. Ronke Bewaji Shonde.
Her husband killed her and locked her crying kids in a room with her corpse, before absconding.
I am not sharing the pictures of her corpse, because my blogazine doesn’t need that kind of tawdry attempt at sensationalism; in fact, it is distasteful. It is for the same reason, that I have not shared pictures of the children.


I am so bored with and sick of women who refuse to leave violent men, because they prefer pity – so, they actually contribute to their own victimisation.
You are boring.
And oh-so-ridiculous.

It baffles me that any woman would let the opinions of another person, make her stay put in a bad marriage. Some of them say they’re praying. Please continue. When you make the news, we will re-tweet and blog your matter, like we’re doing Ronke’s own.

I read that Ronke & her husband were very religious and her pastor told her to “not let the devil” win in her marriage.
And I cannot get over how senseless any woman can be.
They say they are staying for the children.

Ronke Bewaji Shonde left her two young children, when she died. Even worse, she scarred the children for life – her husband absconded, after he locked her crying children in the room, with her corpse. There was no devil; this was an outcome she chose, as soon she decided to stay in an abusive marriage. Please, don’t ask me to waste my tears on a woman whose cute coupley, lovey-dovey Facebook pictures meant more to her, than the emotional stability of her own flesh and blood.

Now, even IF he is found, what will happen?
– his family will surface and beg her family to “leave it for god”
– social media commentators will tell us that two wrongs don’t make a right
– a women’s rights group will kick up enough fuss, so despite all the begging, he will be arrested and charged
– it will take at least two years for the case to reach court
– he will offer the kind of defence that makes Criminal Law lecturers amazed (something like “she stabbed herself 76X”; Google ‘Titi Arowolo’ for more details)
– his family will say Ronke was a difficult person to live with
– he will be found guilty and sentenced to death
– a “human rights group” will spring up from nowhere to make noise & attempt to seek publicity
– his lawyer will plead for leniency, “because he is so remorseful, that he is now suicidal”
– he will say “his enemies” are after him and have framed him
– pastors will beg on his behalf and say that “nobody is perfect”
– people will ask who will take care of the children, if he is killed
– another group will argue that it makes no sense for a killer to be raising the children of his victim
– people will e-fight and unfriend themselves
– bloggers will make money, as traffic flows to their platforms
– churches will organise seminars and workshops on “how to bind and cast the devil making your husband beat you”
– there will be some conferences on “how to appear even more submissive than your illiterate grandmother”
– the children will be looking haggard and would have stopped attending school

In the mean time, at least 50 more Nigerian women would have died – because their sense of worth is embedded in the Mrs title. We won’t hear about all of them, because their horse-bands will tell the world that the women died after brief illnesses or freak accidents. The “grieving widowers” will remarry.

These women will die because of their selfishness. Because they’ve extended their self-hatred to their innocent children. Call me unsympathetic, but it takes a certain degree of hatred to choose Mrs title over the welfare of your own child(ren).

Ronke Bewaji Shonde was on Facebook – where she must have read many ‘feministic rants’ against domestic violence.
It’s the same way that some men and women in abusive situationships, are reading this and saying, “I sarrrrrve a maciful gaaaaad. And he will not let me die.”
You. Are. An. Idiot.
You’re just an accomplice in your own victimisation.

If you’re serious about walking away from abuse, take the time to stop posting those fake selfies of ‘happy families’ on social media – the ones you use to distract people from the reality of the hell you call a ‘marriage’. If you’re based in Nigeria, contact Project Alert. Try to follow through too; don’t waste their time and resources, if you’re only going to get them financially and emotionally vested in your matter, then claim that ‘god’ has touched the heart of your accomplice.

All Rights Reserved, Chioma Nnani

1 Comment on You’re Not A Victim; You’re An Accomplice!

  1. “I sarrrrrve a maciful gaaaaad. And he will not let me die.” I laughed out loud here. Thanks Chioma, the bitter truth, delivered piping Hot!

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